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Hi Kids! The editors of Lux requested I do an article on Kim Kardashian. I am always very eager to please. So, for those of you living under a rock the past few years (and good for you) I present: Kim Kardashian for Dummies

Kim Kardashian is a very attractive, yet completely talentless woman with a large derriere.  Ms. Kardashian rose to infamy after a “naughty home movie”(wink wink) she made with her then boyfriend, Ray J, was accidentally  ”leaked” to the public.  She is on a reality show called “Keeping up with the Kardashians” where she grooms herself, shops, flirts and engages in severely faux dramatics.  Her sisters, Kourtney and Khloe and her mother, Kris are also on the show.  They are not as important as Kim.  No one is. Still with me?

Kim’s stepfather is Bruce Jenner.  Mr. Jenner won an Olympic gold medal in the 70′s for the decathlon.  Unlike his step daughter, Bruce was on the box cover of “Wheaties“. “Wheaties” is a breakfast cereal.

Kim’s brother, Rob is on a game show for “celebrities” called “Dancing With The Stars”.  Like his sister, Rob is not a star, but he is famous.  The public likes to watch famous people dance.   They also like to eat breakfast cereal.

Kim has recently had a messy breakup with her husband Kris Humpries,who she was married to for 12 seconds.  Many Americans are not allowed to marry, but Kim certainly is, being far more important than almost any other American.

Her wedding dress cost more than some people make in a year.  Details about this situation can be found in all tabloid papers and low brow magazines, but not in Lux.  Most importantly, Kim Kardashian is famous for absolutely no reason.

See you in the funny papers!

Robb

photograph: Atomic Digest Archives

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