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Bad Movies I Love!

by: Robb Rhone

Hi Kids! I was just thinking to myself, “Self, it’s time to come out and admit that you have a terrible secret. You adore some really awful flicks.” So, for YOU, lovely Lux readers, I will come clean by airing some dirty laundry. Check out the fun videos at the end of the article. Let the hijinxs begin- and pass the popcorn.

Spice World  (1997)

Ahh, the 90’s-  less inspired than the colourful 80’s…until 5 beauties from Britain showed up on the scene. Perhaps you’ve tried to resist the Spice Girls in the past. Why would you? It’s never too late to spice up your life! Why not start with this film? You can forward past all the
annoying parts that Ginger-Posh-Scary-Baby-Sporty (I like them in that order) aren’t in. Now about the plot: there isn’t one. Who needs a plot? Besides, this isn’t really a movie. It’s a Saturday morning cartoon.

Elvira-Mistress of the Dark (1988)

To me, if Santa Claus is the figurehead of Christmas (no offense Baby Jesus) then Elvira is the patron saint of Halloween, and I LOVE Halloween. This is your basic “fish outta water” flick. Unlike other bad films I love, I think that Cassandra Peterson (Elvira’s alter ego) absolutely meant for this movie to be super duper cheesy. You can almost hear the cymbal crash after every punny line. Some folks won’t find Elvira, Mistress of the Dark the least bit humorous.  Ms. Peterson doesn’t care. She’s too busy laughing herself outta her push-up bra all the way to the bank.

St. Elmo’s Fire (1985)

So, you’re a young impressionable 15 year old.  Molly Ringwald is the coolest girl in the universe because The Breakfast Club. Pretty in Pink and 16 Candles truly get you.  Crushes hurt, high school sucks and grown-ups are out to get you. What about when you become an adult?  Some Hollywood idiots had the brilliant idea for this flick. No, Molly’s not in it, but a lot of other brat packers are! You’re 15, so you’ve just got to go and see it! What does it teach you? Crushes do hurt badly, but at least you got laid. High school did suck, but college is way easier! Grown-ups are out to get each other, so they just get bitter and drink a lot. Still. I love St. Elmo’s Fire. It’s like a car wreck, ya just gotta look. Besides, I love seeing effed up beautiful people. This movie is all about Demi Moore being a diva before she started to take herself waaaaay too seriously. One thing’s for certain: her character, Jules, makes cocaine look so fun and so very easy to kick.

Phew! I feel so much better! Still, be forewarned, there’s more where this came from. Thanks for reading!

See you in the funny papers,